Monday, 18 April 2016







He:


this is my dilemma


i want to get to know you

but

i'm just a little mindfucked here



because



I initiated our connection with a different...motivation


and its difficult...for now...to make a separation


just need to think, & reframe


okay i'll just be straight up.


I've never been casual before & the idea sure appeals to me on a biological level...
but without connection
just seems fucking pointless...
or like pointless fucking

so I wasn't just Here
to Bang you


If that's what you thought.

I See You.

who you are


&  I like who i see so far

that connection that I crave

isn't always able to be platonic
...just as a matter of course

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't into you

which is the heart of my dilemma

there it is

so

that's why I said

"I feel like a dick|"


which makes it problematic
for me to really dive into your
mind

this is bizarre

this has never happened to me

I don't know what else to say
thats a load off my chest
big time



She:

: ) I'm tired.



He:



It is 3:30 in the morn

so am I

reconvene some other time?


She:

Sleep Well









______________________________august 8, 2011 12:04pm__________________________

He:

I'd be happy to grow and converse with you...
even if it is platonic...

______________________________february 3, 7:54pm________________________________


He:


Next week coffee?


She:


Next Week Coffee



He:



I need to tap into your wavelength

Any day in particular work better for you?


She:


Tap any time.


________________________________august 19, 9:09pm_________________________________



He:


I would be lying if I said I wasn't taken aback today

My subjective experience was that you hot/cold on me & I didn't appreciate it


There's probably more to the story but regardless I took something out of today's
encounter & am grateful for it


She:


Take Something
Out of Today

Taking/Giving

At a point today
I felt as though I
Were being
recorded




He:

You Were
We joked about it
Then i took out my Phone




She:

Taking something out of today
Takes a lot out of me
Heat to Cold
I don't like to be taken
Still, I am quite taken with you



he:


Taken with me how?


Yours for you...


I've never really shared my journal before

My Austrian ex a bit, but not in a deliberate way like with you

She saw it but it wasn't like a thing

Like it is with you



She:

A Thing?



He:


There is meaning to it




She:


Thank you for your comments today.



He:


Which?  That I find you interesting?

That you are the most mysterious person I know?

I had the impulse to kiss you twice today (at least)



She:

Thank you.
Seriously



He:


I don't know what it means,
if it means anything other than an impulse

Or if I need to ascribe any meaning to it

But an observation for sharing


She:

Thank you


H:

Your welcome

You're*


S:


Young & Dumb



H:


Well played



S:



Glad you were
Here.



He:


I was just thinking about how you returned the water today
& it made me smile

...& when I looked at you & you had this SUPER serious face


She:

I was thinking of how
good you were


He:


You are making me red


She:

Sorry.
Sleep Well.


He:

G-Night!


______________________(in the middle of the night .... & rocking in his sleep)____________________


He:

I've been lying in bed waiting to fall asleep
& I was thinking about your smile.
I couldn't figure out the right word for it.
It's this in between kind of look,
the honest to god truth is the best way that
I can describe it is you have a Mona Lisa
smile. I'm not bullshitting. That's really the
closest I can come to conveying the way
I perceive your smile... A look this very
hard to place in one particular "genre"

of emotion.






























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